My superplay just took a super punch to the gut. It could not, for the life of me, fly. Every darn third liner had their moment and this stock had not.
It reminds me of the snobby genius kid at school who is just about to make a breakthrough and change the world but had chosen to suck on his thumbs at the corner, leaving his genius unfulfilled.
Twice I had entered, twice I had to cut.
April had been so awful, if it weren’t for the deal stocks with Zee I’d be openly admitting that I have made such a dramatic failure of trading.
In the end though, my own moves after each deal stock erased any loss recovery I made until I finally realized that my losses had returned to it’s original point of 270,000…. Plus 11,000 more.
The copper taste of blood stung my mouth after biting my lip so hard. It started to bleed. For the longest time in my life, every emotion flowed through me like life forces filling me on my bare edges. In again, out again.
This was the way of my world ever since.
The stock market taught me not to feel, and when it was time to be angry, or sad, or disappointed– I was not. That was when crisis struck me. What then? Oh what then? Who am I? What have I become?
I have become emotionless, yes I have, but have I become a better trader? What is left of me after this character trait has gone? Oh nothing! I wonder if it went away with my soul.
It’s not fair if I don’t see any progress I even made after all.
I told Zee I’m resting from the market. I reasoned I have so many things to do.
He’s much smarter than that and he knows I’m withdrawing. I couldn’t beat the guy to it. I have not met him before but he knows what’s going on my mind, so for the larger part of it, he decided to agree with me and then ignore everything I just said.
“Don’t you go shiz cray cray on me!”, he told me, not angrily but rather in a worried way, betraying his usual troll-like humour. It was after I told him that maybe I should just sell everything, go on a sabbatical, and live away from civilization where I wouldn’t have to explain myself.
Besides, I’d look pretty cute tanned in a sarong.
I always felt embarrassed to ask for help when I don’t feel okay. I need someone’s permission that it’s okay, and it’s safe to say what’s troubling me, without troubling them too. I didn’t feel like anyone should bother with my nonsense. And so, I try hard to keep it to myself. Lately though, the pressure from making so many mistakes had gotten to me.
And I felt like no one was there to talk to about it. That’s the problem with being the 1% of the population who’s involved with the stock market. Ordinary folks just could NOT fathom what you’re going through. Whatever they say are automatically dispensed from the magical box of tried-and-tested comforting words.
“Kaya mo yan.”, “You’ll make it.”, “Mababawi mo rin.”
The concern was real, but the empathy nonexistent. It was hard to believe it since they have no clue about the entire system. Not like it was their fault.
The resonance of comfort only echoes when the voice knows what it says. It will only reach the pit if it understood the depth of the distress in the first place.
We were supposed to enter a bounce play for NOW and BRN. It would have been cute scribing NOW for the third time. Unfortunately, it bounced earlier than we expected. He got in, and I didn’t.
A day after though, still placid from my personal crisis, he messaged me to get me moving. Ofcourse I oblige.
I was quite surprised upon seeing it. It was nice the last time I saw it but now it’s niiice. I hurriedly began to update my charting.
I gave him an answer. A wrong one. I was overthinking the rules so he had to right it. Maybe this is the kind of anxiety I get for being often wrong? I seem to over read.
ISM was about to break the previous high, but the top was not enough to impress me and consider it a “breakout”. It was pretty early in the day, around 10 am. A lot could still happen.
I told him it was alright for it to close near the high part of Fibonacci. Near 0. He said it was not. It had tried to attempt to break it so it must close strong.
Dear readers, when is the safest time to buy?
After the lunch time, I had seen the same strength on ISM continue. It was defending the top levels and the candle was about to close strong. I then decided to break the rules a bit and start buying before it closes.
I tried to give him a scenario of what I intend to do. What would I do on a gap up, on a continuation, on a sell down, on a gap down.
Upon hearing that, this is what he’s got to say.
Over the weekend, I had done much thinking about my life. It’s a crisis! I’m standing on a crossroad and I’m trying to live two lives at the same time. Both demanded the best of me and I’m not at my best fighting form, but atleast I’m still trying. I’m glad I’m anchored by ZFT, else I’d waste so much time floating mindlessly over water or struggling to breathe underneath.
He tried to understand the cause of all the stress or why I wanted to run away from everything but I couldn’t even begin to explain it. I hate being dramatic when I talk to people, I could feel the pressure of asking them to comfort me. It’s such a bother. I feel hyper-aware and conscious of what I ask other people to do. I never meant to have a heavy presence.
When we pick a path, does the path present itself or do we cut our way to it?
Finally, Monday morning, I had the time to monitor. The stock market was going insane. I saw some people have it rough that day but the tribe members seem to have caught the outperformers. They cheered on over social media.
I was awe-struck at how they could see every thing that moves. How did they do that? How can they go “uy, FNI.” and then next minute talk about another exotic stock, then another one, and then another one.
Charting is one thing, how are they watching all their preys? How do they execute?
His answer reminds me of chess. It’s not about having a plan, it’s having PLANS. One for each move or each scenario and knowing how to counter it.
ISM was having a moment. It was shooting high. The minutes chart consistent. It consolidates, shoots, consolidates, shoots. Again and again until it reached a point of unbelievable frenzy.
I didn’t know what to do! I was so used to cutting stocks that went down but for those that kept going up? It was a different kind of nervous. I had learned my lesson on sell downs.
Did I just hear the magic words? Possible. Super. Play.
But what about locking profits?
I gotchu, I gotchu. But what about the fact that it hit so high now? Pera na yun ah!
Otherwise known as, you’ll work twice as hard for the unnecessary sigurista profit-taking. Emotional well-being is top priority to be able to trade with a clear head.
At the end of the day, we reviewed our plan… Or rather he reviewed mine and made sure I have one. 😀
But please don’t test me?
HA! Well, not meaning to brag but I used to commute around EDSA daily so I know pain.
Did I just tell you that my losses went back and even increased? Oh dear. It did. It was so frustrating. My port is having a bipolar moment. We’re either eating out at Niu or having ramen for dinner. The pressure is real.
A supercomputer is inside of me but my body is rusted. I couldn’t execute! That’s where I fail.
The thing with Zee is… He usually scrimps on the compliments. It’s fine, just the way he is. I’m actually the same. He doesn’t prance around like a stage parent cooing at every turn. He takes a look at what you do and if you’re lucky, you get a thumbs up or “that’s correct.”.
I think I’ve been a lot more frail lately. Trust me, I hate it. I fight it. I eat chocolates, I exercise, I cook. Whatever. I’m trying to fight it off.
He knows it so he tries to help. 🙂
I wonder what I’d be if he didn’t hold my hand and pull me out of it? Probably really freaking sad. Will probably try again half-hearted and lose in return because I didn’t even really put myself into it, and after that, I don’t know. It’s a slippery slope.
It sure revealed a lot of things about him, who saw me trying to lick my wounds and withdraw inside my shell. He reached out and goaded me to try again. I wonder what it says about me.
One day, I hope to return the favor in whatever way I can. But the way I see it, he doesn’t want me to return the gesture, he wants me to pay it forward to other people.
Hello, dear readers! Whew what an exhausting write-up! It’s only Tuesday but a lot has happened. Panic is prevalent again as people talk about a market reset. I don’t have a clue what that meant.
But just remember, we’re trading stocks not the entire market.
I hope the universe has been kind to you a much as it was with me.
Don’t lose hope. You only need to be right once and the twenty times you weren’t won’t matter.