Where is Celeste? The first 5 months

 

One day, late last year, I’ve cut 200,000 pesos worth of money.

 

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I knew what I was supposed to do, even before he said it.

 

In 30 minutes to be exact.ย That was my time limit to let it go.

I had 30 minutes to sell every darn thing.

I’d like to confess something I have not even told the man, Zeefreaks, himself.

Before him, I had no idea about TA. Zero. Absolutely nothing. Nada. Nil.

The day I’ve decided to turn to the technicians was the same day I’ve abandoned everything fundamentalist.

I was too scared he’d find me too much of a challenge to teach.

As an after thought, after giving his instructions, he paused for a second and then was kind enough to provide me music while doing it.

It was Fade by Jakwob.

“Thought I was a together kind of person the type who had it handled
As fate would have it I’m exploding, like a roman candle, oh

And it’s pretty in the sky
Such a beautiful way to die
But I want my sparkle back
Why does it always fade to black?”

One by one, I’ve sold them down. The first to go was TAPET. My average was around the pinnacle of the frenzy. 10 pesos per share that in a few days fell down with such momentum. For 2 days, the price reached floor. 10 pesos devastatingly depreciated to 2 pesos.

I sold it down.
It has not yet recovered ever since.

The next was MAXS. MAXS was fundamentally solid. This is the next JFC!, they said. That year MAXS posted an incredible financial statement and I was convinced. I thought I was safe at a strong lower base so I held on… but the market said otherwise. People took the same opportunity to sell their shares at a high price and soon the sellers overpowered the fundamentalist buyers. My gain turned into a loss.

I sold it down.
The price kept falling for months.
It has not yet recovered back to the same levels.

The next one I’ve decided to deal with was FNI. I hesitated before finally letting it go. The market price was half my average price and I was knee-deep in volume. FNI held 1/4 of my port. It was going to do a turnaround in 2016, according to the gurus, and that nickel moves in leaps and bounds once it decides to do. Only a few months until 2016 now…

I sold it down.
The stock, up to this date, have fell down more times than I can remember and have not recovered ever since.

 

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I sold 3 more stocks, all red, all ipit, all fundamentally sound for whatever reasons I believed in.

22 minutes have gone by. I have never sold down before. I didn’t even understand what the implication was in the charts because I didn’t know how to read them then.

I was left with one stock that had a lot of emotional weight in it. The one I so faithfully held and defended. I didn’t just invest my money on that stock but my emotions and my hopes. A part of my portfolio was money from a relative who wanted to try investing in stocks but claimed she didn’t know how to work these online nonsense us kids do nowadays (pardon, she’s a bit old).

8 minutes left and I was paralyzed. I couldn’t let it go. It was HALF my portfolio. The stock was trading at 6 and I have huge volume left hanging on top at 8. The loss amounted to about 100,000 php. A gigantic number to someone like me who have to work for months for that money.

I messaged him back.

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“Listen”, I told him. “Let this go. Please.”

He didn’t flinch for a second.
“Sell everything.”

I begged. Cried. Pleaded.

All he did was countdown.

7 minutes.

6 minutes.

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“Please let me keep this.”

He didn’t budge. Give it up. Every thing goes.

And it’s pretty in the sky

5 minutes.

4 mins

 

4 minutes.

“Please.” Heart racing.

you could

Such a beautiful way to die

He was right, I know it. But I couldn’t do it.

3 minutes to go.
2 minutes to go.

But I want my sparkle back

3 mins

 

I sold it.

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Why does it always fade to black?


 

I was given 2 weeks off the market as breathing space. I didn’t do that. I had to cram learn atleast a working knowledge of technical analysis.

I didn’t know what fibonacci was or how to use it, I didn’t understand STS, I didn’t even know how to find the support and resistance. I had a couple of weeks to crash course myself.

Up until he started giving me lessons did I even find out how to properly use charts… I didn’t know there was a charting feature in COL. ๐Ÿ™‚ I hid my innocence away and read up on the jargon.


 

Progress obviously came painfully slow. When you had yourself a very tough purging in the middle of a bear market, green profitable trades would have been a beautiful sight.

It wasnt that way for a long time.

By the end of November, I had entered and exit 5 trades. NOT one gave me profit, my port burned more with 7,000 php loss. 7k loss is an upgrade from 200k loss, I’ve decided. I traded flimsily. Low volume and with a lot of emotional anxieties. I’ve even tried to revenge trade a stock and almost immediately regretted it.

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When December came, I still didn’t understand most of my lessons, no matter how much I’ve re-read and Googled. I don’t think I’m stupid but it just wouldn’t get through. I was almost losing focus, I made mistake after mistake. Sometimes, I got so burnt out that I wouldn’t check my port even if I had positions.

ZeeFreaks never gave up on me. ๐Ÿ™‚ He was patient and understanding. Often asking how my trades are doing and he didn’t push when I gave vague answers.

I was such an emotional mess. I didn’t want to stop because I wanted to progress. I don’t think I’ve ever quit on anything no matter how tormenting but I was so emotional that I was hurting every progress I ever made too.

It sounded like any teenage girl’s bad break up.

By the end of December, I traded 8 times. Only 2 of which were profitable, and 6 were really bad. I ended up with losing 27,000 pesos more.

I didn’t understand what I was doing or what I was looking at, still. I’ve never felt so blinded in my entire life.

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For every loss, the voices kept talking to me, Give up now.
And I would silence it. Fight it back.

The worst, however, was yet to come.

By January, I was whipsawed terribly by ION and another stock that I was hoping to turn into a superplay. My only 2 trades. Numb and defeated, I counted my total loss. It surmounted to around 40,000 php that month.

What happened?, I wondered. I had 200,000 loss to begin with and it ballooned to 274,000. I didn’t even have the guts to update my blog. I didn’t want to discourage anyone! I was feeling hopeless, desperate, and depressed. My chest felt heavy upon waking up, and nothing would cheer me up for the rest of the day. I went to sleep with my head clouded wondering if I should give up. It felt like every thing I touched would rot, like it was my fault for being there and the stock fell.

I thought nothing would help me and that I should just learn how to live with the life I’m currently trying to escape. I was on the very verge of giving up.

But again, I didn’t.

February, I gave it another shot. Trading only with one board lot each. Too careful, too anxious. I had two trades, both of which I’ve lost.

You would think that maybe I should just walk away, and I confess at that time, I felt the same way too but I was already too much in pain and too involved to quit. I had to get something out of this.

I’m not quitting. It’s not over until I’m done.

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Back then, I remember feeling like a hopeless case. Everything I needed was right in front of me, and yet I couldn’t get it to work for me. I was trying to run full speed, trying to catch up to that elusive piece that would help me understand, help me succeed, help me get it. But my lungs were burning. My calves shooting in pain.

Mental torment is a slow way to die. ๐Ÿ™‚

On March, I tried again. I wanted to give it one more shot. One last shot. The last of whatever I have left in me. I was ready to lose more… but intensely praying that I do not. If it was my last attempt, I wanted to make it count. I took my studies more seriously than ever before, reading every single stock’s chart every single night. I ran on 2 hours of sleep juggling work and the stock market. Atleast if physical exhaustion got me, I would have died a fighter, right?

My father would routinely ask me sweetly how my trading has been doing and I couldn’t look at him in the face as I lied. I would either fake a smile or nod in distracted attention. “All good, papa.”

Old, frail papa. I wonder if he really knows what’s going on.

As I get more accustomed to charts, I traded again… With volume.

And then something clicked.

Suddenly, I understand. Like someone took off the blinds and let the sun in. Everything blurred became clear. The storm at sea calmed down, I’m standing at the center of it all. Watching the chaos, finding the way.

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I could see.

Directing my sails.

I could see.

First three trades, I made 80,000 pesos worth of money. In the next 2 trades, I lost 20,000 of that. I was both despairing and pleasantly surprised. I’m still net positive!

Every mistake I made, I studied intensely where I went wrong.

One time, in the middle of March, I bought three stocks that I’ve chosen among all. I cried right after buying them, thinking how much the best of me was in those. The day ended and they closed red… I was shaking hours after the market closed. Doubting myself again.

The next day all three flew.

29 days into March, and I have made 89,000 pesos worth of realized gains with about 15,000 pesos more unrealized profits on 2 incredibly strong, alpha stocks I’m holding.

Recently, I’ve positioned myself in a superstock about to unfold.

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It’s been an incredible journey so far but finally, after months of painful torturous trading days… I could see.

If you’ve only recently decided to give trading a go and have been losing despite your best efforts. I hope I gave you hope.

Please don’t lose hope.

Because finally, I could see.


 

The last stock I tried to ask Zee to let me hold slid down more.
It still has not recovered ever since. ๐Ÿ™‚

 

 

Forever yours,
Celeste

 

Hello. ๐Ÿ™‚

Chapter 4: Lies and Promises, Fear and Hope

 

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The story Iโ€™m about to tell you may or may not be true. After all, Iโ€™m just a girl babbling under water.


 

Tap, tap, tap…

It was a quiet morning and I’ve had enough coffee to sustain me throughout the day. I tapped my finger on the table almost lost in my head now. There’s coffee stain on my wooden table. The sunlight touching one side of my face. Alone in my home. Quiet, humid, hot.

Tap, tap, tap…


 

“Don’t panic. It’s a part of the plan.”
Chiko messaged me over facebook.

Plan? What plan? I wondered for a second about the plan. “Are you actually, uh, a part of planning this plan?”

“No.”

My heart started beating fast against my chest, like a tiny rabbit kicking inside of me. Anxiety and three cups of coffee was a bad idea. “Then how can I trust you?”

“Because I trust him, and he always did what he said he would do. Look at the brokers. Who’s buying? Who’s selling?”

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It was in the middle of a market meltdown triggered by China. There was rarely a stock that could be trusted. A 3% gain was already considered a feat. Gurus campaigned to stay on cash and there I was still involved in a stock with all my money in it. I don’t know how I got involved in this kind of mess in the first place. You could say I’m being stupid. Maybe I am but I was both interested in the idea of finally witnessing a first-hand jockey play and benefitting from it.

I wondered at that moment if I could live through the psychological torture to tell the story. My entire bet is on a person I barely even know.

“Come on, tell me. Who’s buying, and who’s selling?”

I bit my lip. So we’re gonna do broker analysis now? Which I’ve been told not to do, but I’m already way out of my personal rules here. “Snake and VMC”

“That’s him.”, Chiko said. “It’s the same person.”

“I know, I get it. But the price is CRASHING, Chiko.”

“It’s a selldown. We can’t be exempted from China.”

I sat there and watched in despair. “Can you talk to them? Ask them what’s going on? This doesn’t look good.”

“Sure, just don’t sell.”


 

Three days and all I saw were red long candles. I wanted to run for my life. The only way I can get through it is by not opening my portfolio and ignoring the slaughter. My stomach was in knots. My throat parched in what seemed to be the beginning of a nervous breakdown.

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“Chiko, I’m losing money. That guy is a fraud. We need to cut our positions, the chart is scaring me.”
I was feeling way out of my depth. I knew too little to protect myself, but enough to know if the sails are navigating me to a storm.

He didn’t seem bothered, “But I’ve talked to one of the Camorra and they said to buy more…”

“Buy more?! The price just broke support after support. Why would I do that?”

“Because it’s all been accounted for. Look, Armani is buying and selling trying to keep the volume up. He’s also buying the sell downs. It was supposed to fly this week but those damn Chinese ruin every thing for us in the PSE.”

“So when?”

“Next week, I’m sure.”


 

But, 3 weeks later and nothing happened still. The price was slowly sinking into lower lows, as if every effort to fight out all the selldowns were tiny in puny in comparison.

This went on and on. Week after week, Armani promised the Camorra. HRV went on consolidation. I was forbidden to act on what I see despite my growing doubts. Ofcourse I didn’t have my hands tied literally, but at jockey plays you’re not allowed to think or to act on your own analysis even as the price fell down.

One morning, I messaged Chiko again. “He said it’s going to be today, Chiko. Again.”

“I know, I know… Just give it time.”

“What if you guys are being scammed?”

“No, no we’re not. He’s not gonna put Richard’s and Philip’s millions to nothing.”

“YES he can, Chiko. You know he can.”

He was quiet after that, obviously swayed by what I said. “You said he always did what he promised to do. It’s been weeks now.” I continued.

“Look, I’ll ask around okay?”

It was the new year about three weeks into January, I still couldn’t feel myself having a fresh start. During that time, I watched Zee make money after money everywhere else. How could I feel brand new? I was stuck on a stock, and my earnings depend on a man I have not even met.

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Like a dusty old attic filled with cobwebs overlooked during Spring cleaning, I’ve brought my baggage of heavy burden with me into 2016.
“How could you trust this man so much?” I asked Chiko over the phone.
“He made a very good run in the beginning, Celeste.” He answered. His voice trailing off. Most of his confidence slipping off his lap. “It consolidated when he said it would consolidate. It went red when he said it would, it went higher when he said it would go higher defying any technical indicator…”

“Do you have any updates now?” My voice shook. Oh my god, I’m so stupid. I fell for this and my AEP is 40 pips higher than his.

“Well, yeah I asked.” He then sent me new screenshots of another set of promises.

“Is this you? It doesn’t sound like you.”

“No, it’s not. It’s my friend Dao.”


 

Armani sounded pissed. Dao, Camorra’s hypeman and also quite a technician, had been pestering the man for some time now. All his funds, his family’s funds, and followers’ funds are in it. He was running out of excuses for them when Armani doesn’t do what he said he will.

“I told you time and time again that I’ll take care of it. Just relax. Loyalty dapat. Your loyalty will be rewarded.”

On other days, Armani told Dao that he can’t give details. And Dao, for fear of losing Armani’s patience, could not talk to him any time he needed the reassurance.

“Armani is that you doing the cross at the bottom?” He asked.
“Yes.” Armani replied nonchalantly.
“Won’t that ruin the chart? People think there’s a strong sell off.”
“Let them think what they want to think.”

Again, Dao stood aside helpless and let Armani be.

The man made huge promises. True he’s never met Armani before, and maybe atleast a handshake with the man would have helped him feel more confident now that his entire family’s savings are on this one stock. His only saving grace was how much Philip and Richard, the Camorra’s strategists, are relaxed about the matter. Maybe he couldn’t trust Armani fully, but those two men he does. So whenever Chiko, an old friend, ask him of the going-ons, he simply redirected the question to Richard.

“Don’t worry! We’re on the inside. We’re very, very safe.” That’s what he would say.

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“Listen, Celeste. I have news. It ought to cheer you up. They’re going to have a meeting tomorrow! There must be some good news. Richard is going, so we’ll finally know what’s happening.”

It’s been a month that we’ve been quite on the dark. I didn’t know what to do. There’s no way of analyzing a jockey play except listening to what ever information was handed down to you. Every thing depended on what Armani is going through, and he refuses to divulge information– if he was even kind enough to answer Dao’s anxious inquiries.

I wonder how I got there and how I could stand it any longer than I already was doing. I relied heavily on a man who underdelivers his promises ever since I got involved.

And the problem with listening to insider tips or jockey plays, I’m slowly realizing, is that all MEN CAN LIE.


 

Summer is definitely coming. The rising power of middle class made it more possible to have more cars on the road, and it helps that oil has been hitting some of their historical lows. Traffic was unprecedented. Tension growing for those who had to work. Slow reminders of how every one wished they were back in their academic uniform to fully frolic the charm of the season.

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It’s been three months since I first got wind of the jockey play. I don’t think I have changed. I didn’t feel myself improve. I could paper trade on the side but this didn’t give me the type of learning it should have when I’m obviously the emotional kind of person who needed to work on that. This bothered me. This bothered me a lot. I hate wasting my time as much as wasting another person’s time. I couldn’t take back what was gone.

Three months of being stuck on the rut. HRV was being hyped, desperately, everywhere by different people. It was quite obvious that those who were holding taken matters in their own hands and impatience was running rampant.

After the meeting Chiko mentioned, disclosures were promised to be issued and they were but the price still didn’t kick in.

It was the longest winter in the middle of summer, and I could feel it in my bones. Getting into my head, poking at my anxiety, laughing at my pain. Even the optimistic holders had to lie to their selves. It didn’t feel like it was going anywhere any more.

Until one day.


 

A new broker house started buying up the shares. I would like to hide their name under the alias Horse. I was at work and by this time had grown accustomed to ignoring my port and killing the guilt of not progressing. Chiko called.

“I can’t talk now, I’m at wor–”
“Horse is in.” He interrupted. “Check the board! Horse! Horse– the rider, they’re going to keep buying because the jockey will buy at whatever price.”
“You mean Armani is NOT the jockey?”
“Ofcourse not. He’s the mastermind, sure, but he’s not the jockey. Armani will propose his offer to a jockey and convince him to take the deal, enticing him by the strong hands left holding on to the stocks. I heard he’s such a big shot.” I felt him grinning over the phone, then he dropped his voice down to an inaudible whisper. “The jockey is the man who was responsible for BBC. According to Philip, he made it go from 5 pesos to 70… In just about one week! One week. And now the riders are buying like crazy because they know he’s going to push this up.”

I don’t know to feel then but I admit it did make me happy. Extremely happy. Little did I know that the joyous moment would only last me… a few days.

 

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Next chapter: The Rise and… The Fall?

Hello, every one! I took such measures to make this chapter and the coming chapters carefully written. I might have learned an important lesson for you all and I’ve lived to tell the tale. ๐Ÿ˜‰

I hope you enjoyed it. Again, I need to pace myself as I let the story unfold. After all, it might still be currently on the play. The question is: What part of ‘the plan’ is being laid out right at this moment? I’ve realized how these things are not as simple as it seems. There are a lot of people working on it… and against it. Welcome to the dark underbelly of trading.

The point being: You can choose not to involve yourself on these. It doesn’t matter what wave the ocean sends or why the wave turned out that way, the most important question is… Can you surf?

Forever yours,
Celeste

 

On my 18th birthday, I played the piano in front of my guests but I was so nervous! I messed it up so bad! This was what I ~tried~ to play though. I do doubt I can still make music, it’s been years since I’ve abandoned the attempt.

 

Chapter 3: Celeste Gets Involved

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The story I’m about to tell you may or may not be true. After all, I’m just a girl babbling under water.


 

It was in the middle of a hot day in December and I didn’t even know why I was outside at 12 noon. I was supposed to pick up some papers at a city an hour drive away from mine. As you can imagine, there was not a lot of people outside. Collective thoughts over climate change and how the summer heat can be felt 4 months early are abound and ‘siesta’ over the holiday air was prevalent.

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I didn’t have a lot of time, but I promised myself I had to trade more. I don’t remember if it was a good day to trade then but ever since the fall of January 2015, sheeps get slaughtered in blood baths all the time. Maybe it was a green day, and I was all-cash, but the entire truth is sheeps don’t get hit on green days, but neither do we make money. It was probably just some breathing space left for us to not take any beating, for a change, from the days we were black-and-blue from the fight.

A particular stock was banging clamors all around the social media. People posted gratitude over the stock, and human as I am, I tried my best not to get envious, but I did and I felt it in my flesh and bones.

Strong stock, I told Zee, and a number of people I talk to. I don’t want to enter it though! So risky how it’s flying high.

There were thoughtful responses as usual but at the end of the day, my mistake of omission costed me an opportunity I’ve lost when the stock soared higher and higher.

And then it tanked.

For a week now, the stock was consolidating at the highs. My eyes are blind to this but I was in the middle of ‘deals’ with Zee and high-class chocolates were the chips in our little game.

That day, he messaged me and said ‘It’s breaking out. You wanna take the deal? Enter once it breaks out.” And maybe it was that nagging little voice in my head, a small ego, too much pride that pushed me into wanting something out of one thing every one got a gift from.

Finally, finally! Making it to Santa’s list! Even if it was after Christmas.

For our convenience, let’s call the stock HRV. HRV was breaking 6 then, only around before noon. The buying spree was palpable even from my screen, and I could hear voices cheering for it as it went on.

Only 100,000 shares barring the resistance line. Buy! Buy! It was all over my feed.

Funds kept buying eating away as sellers placed their ask price, it kept going.

25,000 left. 10,000 left.
And then… a break out.

Was that a breakout? I asked Zee.
Yes, he said. Go for it if you want.

AND, by God, did I do. I went ALL IN. I suppose the stupid have the courage! It was then noon, and theย market halted.

I felt giddy with excitement.

Finally on Santa’s list.


 

At 2 pm that day, I was unsuccessful with securing the papers I went out for, I was sweating like a bald man in Miami, and the stock price fell down faster than a criminal on the run.

How rapidly? from 6.5 to 5.7 in a matter of minutes. Welcome to the stock market, welcome to the bear season. What’s on the menu? Slaughtered sheep… Again! I was stunned and frustrated. My broker kept hanging on me and I couldn’t cut, to make matters worse, my phone was at 3% battery life.

My throat was parched and I could not understand what to feel. It was hot outside but the pressure inside of me intensified.

I’ve resigned my fate to the world. There we go again. I guess I’m still too naughty to make it to the list.

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Then, my phone died.


 

I placed my legs up on the wall that night I got home and tried to relax. Thank God for airconditioning. My phone was chrging at the table beside my bed and my laptop was open near me. Thisย made for a very awkward position.

I typed in slowly that I wasn’t able to cut. Zee was alarmed, ofcourse, because he knew how precarious I am at that moment. The next moves were entirely up to me and my pain levels. If it was him, I knew he’d cut without hesitations, take a walk, and eat some chocolates.

But I wasn’t something like him… yet.
So he made me decide for myself.

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The next coming days, the stock took a dip for the worse and I watched helplessly as it did, until finally it stopped and tanked and tanked, maintaining a certain level.

It was at this state when I met someone who knew about the jockey play.


 

Chiko have the crazy curly tuft of a hair that decided to do what it wanted to do despite his best intentions. He was the kind of guy that breezed in some air of coolness and good vibes. If he was music, he’d be reggae without the dreads and jazz without the suit.

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No one would think he was highly involved in the uppity world of the stock market, let alone be intensely connected with some of the sharks. In fact, I did not.

It was only at one time, during a casual conversation, that he loosely talked about HRV. I know he made some good money in it, but I was only beginning to understand how much rooted he really was.

“I’m back at HRV”, he said. My heart skipped a beat. It has been weeks since the stock moved into anything of significance and all my money– my entire buying power– was it’s hostage.

“Why?”, I asked back, trying not to sound too interested.

“Oh they’re going to jack that up very soon, it’s not just about some seasonal play, but the top investors in it are sitting on massive losses at the 50s level and the CEO is performing a rescue play.”

“You know this how?” I laughed a little. It sounded like crazy talk, typical of Chiko who I got to know was a dreamer.

“Armani is manipulating it. You do know him right? Seen him around? Every thing… everything that… well, see that day it hit 6? Then 5.7? The core people have been holding since 2s, and every thing that happened has been accounted for.”

He was starting to sound serious and I was beginning to believe him, “So you mean, every thing in the chart… was drawn? That sounded like some hype man over facebook would say.”

“Well,” He replied. “Not every thing if you mean every trade, but the bulk of the price control is his since majority of the float is held by him and his comrades.”

“Comrades, you mean you?” I grinned.

He smiled back. “By a select few people.”

I started confessing that I was stuck on the top and he listened to me patiently as I narrated how I tried to cut the losses slowly as the stock inches up.

“You know what? You don’t believe me? Stay put. I’ll let you in a world you’ve never seen before. And it may be a bit unfair, Celeste, but I don’t make the rules here… I just play by it.”

And then he added, “Maybe you should too.”

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Well, I hope you enjoyed that bit. ๐Ÿ™‚ It was only the beginning of what felt like forever. I’ll write again very soon but I have to pace myself. After all, you never know, it still might be on play. ๐Ÿ˜‰

 

 

Forever yours

Celeste

 

P.s.

You’re welcome ๐Ÿ˜‰

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